Beautifully, Gloriously, Sublimely Different

A lesson found somewhere in between catching your breath and completing another rep.

Be present. Here. Now. This.

This pain.
Sit with this pain.

Feel everything.

Embrace every discomfort.

Breathe.
Be here now. 

A lesson earned somewhere between catching your breath and making another rep. 

You seek something new. Something different. 

Remember different is where you  voraciously  learn from.

Remember you live your life celebrating the different.

Your life is 'the different'.

Embrace the different.
Breathe in the different.
Be the living, breathing different. 

A lesson without question in every breath:

This is your life.

And nobody Else's.

Live it. As you should
The best way you know how--

Beautifully, gloriously, sublimely
Different.

One Year Later

July 5, 2015

Today last year, I finished my elements classes in CrossFit Pintados. I pause and reflect on what CrossFit has brought to my life in the past year. Obvious questions come up such as: Can I now do a proper push-up? Can I pull myself up without the help of a band? Can I now do double-unders? Can I now do the movements as prescribed? Truth be told my answers to these are not yes.

There is no harsher critic than myself. So I am not at all elated with this fact. And frequently I succumb to the temptation of comparing myself with other CrossFitters who started last year as well, which clearly does not do me any good. 

However, I am reminded of the reason that I decided to do CrossFit. Having survived the most devastating typhoon recorded in history, I saw this as a second chance at life. What was I going to do with this second chance the Universe so generously gave me? I decided to overhaul my life starting with the way I took care of my body. I decided to give myself a physical, emotional and mental transformation.

For myself but most especially for my family. I found how CrossFit has become a medium of many all around the world to change their lives for the better. I said to myself, "I want this. I will do this. CrossFit is my second chance at life." 

So perhaps the more important questions I should be asking myself a year after are these: Am I now a better mother, wife? Am I now a more efficient teacher? Am I now a more compassionate leader in our school? Am I now a more discerning mentor?  Am I now a realer friend? Am I now a better person than I was last year?

Because the very essence of CrossFit has always been virtuosity. In gymnastics it is defined as "Doing common things uncommonly well."  In real life,  isn't it simply the fulfilling of one's daily roles in life exceedingly well?

So a year later I find myself in the company of our grade 1 and 2 students facilitating their functional movement exercises basked in their energy, excitement and enthusiasm. I find myself with our preschool, elementary and high school teachers striving to be a better leader by exemplifying optimal health and a better lifestyle, one squat at a time, one better nutrition choice at a time. I find myself collaborating with parents with more verve, vigor and with a no-nonsense attitude while striving still for that much needed empathy they need, we all need. 

 

One year later, I find myself nourishing real friendships, those that give value to my soul, those that only make me want to better myself even more. I find myself seeking for those singular, soul baring and spirit nurturing conversations while discarding those that are just noise. I find myself, reaching out to people sharing my experiences that may help them in their own lives. 

I find myself 365 days later with my life partner in invigorating discourses on various matters that are elemental in our life,  in the shooting range honing and distilling my skills in weapons manipulation, body mechanics and sharp mindset, in a two-hour Combatives Training learning how to protect myself and my family in an unfortunate event of a threat.

 

One year later, I find myself always in the present moment with our two very special boys, me deciding to  take the reins of their education, maximizing every opportunity available to us so they can optimize their potential. Today, one year later, I find myself celebrating the very essence of who they are every single day but now more intensely than ever before.

 So as I have asked myself days before I turned 31 years old three years ago, I ask myself now the most important question of all: Am I a better person than I was the year before?

Truth be told, I feel it in my bones and with every fiber of my being that I am. But more importantly, I know that I still have room to grow. I still can be better. Every day. Every year. For the rest of my life.

"No matter what happens in your day, bounce back. Winners aren't people who never hit the floor. Winners are people who didn't stay there." - Lisbeth Darsh

The Right Time

"Do not wait. The time will never be "just right". - Napoleon Hill

The right dress. The right handbag. The right shoes. The right shade of lipstick. The right hair color or texture. The right shoes.  The right mate. The right conditions and many more other "right things."

Call it being a woman. Or call it good old human nature. We want all the conditions to be just right. But is there ever such a thing? 

To go after one's dreams. To pursue the love of one's life. To decide to be a better parent, spouse, daughter, son, brother, sister, friend. To decide to be a better person, is there such a thing as the "right time"?

Weeks before my elements classes at Crossfit Pintados Cebu, my husband helped me prepare myself mentally and physically. The  Crossfit YouTube tutorial videos and Crossfit Journeys  we watched was our everyday soul food. He thoughtfully bought me all the gear I needed: Crossfit Nanos, tank tops, dry-fit shirts, sports bras, shorts, socks, head band, water bottle and recovery drink.   At the time, there was no available retailer in the country that we knew of that sold the prescribed Crossfit shoes. So he ordered it from Rogue, had it shipped from the U.S. via a private courier to ensure the safety of the package. We paid a fine sum for the shipping. But it was all worth it.

My decision to do Crossfit was borne out of the terrible ordeal we went through with Typhoon Haiyan where our house was ripped to shreds, and we had to evacuate in the middle of the typhoon to our neighbor's house, my husband and me carrying our two boys with special needs. I realized how easily our life could have been taken in an instant. But we are still here and very much alive. It's amazing how an ordeal such as this could bring things into a much clearer perspective, which is to know and fully be aware that what is important is immaterial. I decided to be healthier in mind and body. I decided to live a life that is not just  disease-free but one where I have optimal physical and mental health so that well into my late years, I can still meet the needs of my two boys. However much they will need me. They deserve that without question.

Crossfit is not a leisurely walk in the park.  It requires mental toughness more than physical strength. A mindset tougher more than anyone could ever imagine. This is why the amount of detail that my husband put into preparing me gear-wise is more deeply-rooted than me just looking good out there. Wearing the proper attire-- shoes, shorts, tank top, etc all make for creating a solid mindset that what I, we have decided upon was, is a decision of a lifetime. There was, is no turning back.

So it is that many have teased me about how it seemed as if I was a Rogue endorser since I was so "decked out" in Rogue gear. At the time I had no comeback of any kind save for a sheepish grin. But here's my response now: I need to wear the proper shoes so I can do my squats, which is the foundation of all movements in Crossfit, the right way. I need to wear a breathable top and bottom apparel so I do not overheat when the WODs get the better of me. I need to wear a head band to prevent sweat from searing and drenching my eyes blurring my vision. I can't have blurry vision when I jump on that 30" box. Who wants to get unnecessarily injured or harmed in the process of becoming more fit, more strong, more healthy? Certainly no one.

Am I saying, you all should get decked out in Rogue gear? Of course not. The great thing about deciding to change for the better  by becoming physically stronger and healthier is that you begin to discover a plethora of ways and means to achieve that goal, including and beginning with acquiring the proper attire from your head gear down to your proper sports shoes. Becoming better need not require hard-to-access requirements. All it requires is a generous amount of initiative on your part to take the first step. Whether it's  a selection of apparels from Rogue or an easily accessible website such as Zalora, (yes, they have a selection of sports apparel) all that really matters is that you decide to become better.  Check out Gearbox PH as well while we're at it.

You may be saying now, "What is she, a product endorser now?" Aren't we all for all our beliefs and faiths in various things theoretical, material and immaterial?  What I can say to you  is that  I am  certainly on a mission. If this blog is of any use, I will use my words so others will be challenged to decide to become better, stronger, healthier in mind and body. I'm on a mission to stay steadfast on the course of becoming a better person, stronger and healthier in mind and body. And on this road I have chosen to tread on, I adamantly hope that others join me in this journey as well.

To grab life by the collar and to refuse to live a life that is anything less than extraordinary, there are no "right" conditions. To decide to become a better person however you define "better" to be, there are no 'right' conditions.  Haiyan was what propelled me to decide to become a better person. Maybe Haiyan was the "right conditions", was the "right time" for me. But I choose to look at it this way, that it was  a second chance  to know and realize that to just be alive  is the only  "right" condition.

"Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along."

- Napoleon Hill

The First Rule

     The first rule in Crossfit is to talk about Crossfit. We joke about this every time. Because it is true. We who have joined this wonderful, amazing, beautiful world of Crossfit do talk about it. All the time. We read Crossfit journals. We watch countless videos. We research. And then we share it on Facebook or Instagram. We try to convince other people to do Crossfit. We spread the love of Crossfit by word and deed. Then we talk about it some more. Some call us a cult of sorts.

      But I would like to think that for the most part, we talk about the essence of Crossfit. What Crossfit has done to our lives. What significant and powerful changes it has made in our body and mind and even in our spirituality. Because above and beyond all the journals, the videos of the athletes, the articles, the tips on doing that perfect, power clean, deadlift,  snatch or jerk, are the stories of transformation and healing. This year, there is an estimated 10,000 Crossfit affiliates all around the world. Imagine the number of stories from those ten thousand boxes. Such an abundance of healing and transformation. All one has to do to get a daily dose of positive energy and perhaps find the catalyst for personal change for those who are still seeking it is to listen to those stories. And listen well.

     My own story is simple. I am by no means athletic. Growing up I was made fun of by my cousins because I was the slowest runner among them being a chubby kid. While I grew out of that "chubby phase", I was for the most part sedentary where P.E. all throughout school was just a requirement that I had to pass.  At age 23, I got married, had a beautiful boy in 2005 and another beautiful boy in 2008. Both have autism.  In November 8, 2013, our house was ravaged by Typhoon Yolanda. In the midst of the storm we had to run from one room to another as the ceilings collapsed one by one, me carrying our younger son all throughout until we had to evacuate to our neighbor's house. Suffice it to say that the greatest lesson I ever learned from that disaster was that life could be taken away in just a split of a second. And this is why I questioned myself, "What use is this life if we do not live it with so much passion and purpose that "even death would even tremble to take us"?

     Yolanda was a wake-up call. I could no longer could live my life as passively as I did before. I could no longer place my well-being on external forces. I could no longer put the work of being happy on other people. With the needs of my two very special boys, I realized I had to step up in making sure that even well into my late years, I am still able to be by their side very alive and kicking sharply. But more than that, I decided that the only way to live was to live remarkably. To work with so much commitment and passion it does not matter that I would exhaust my emotional and mental energy at the end of the day.  To share precious quality time with people who matter in my life, who are able to make a better person. To choose the high road-- forgiveness, peace, grace, courage, hope.  

          This is where Crossfit fit exactly into my life. With every warm-up, mobility, lift, metabolic conditioning, in every single part of the WOD, the very purpose of Crossfit is to bring you to the very center of your being and demand you answer the question, "Why?" as in "why the hell are you doing this? What for?" And each time that you answer, "Because I want to be stronger, healthier, sharper. Because I want to be better", you find strength to lift that kettle bell one more time, to clean that barbell one more time, to nail that pull-up one more time.  This is the essence of Crossfit-- To always bring us out of our comfort zones, to drive us to the edge of our fears,  to grind us, to take the very best and worst of us, obliterate the very best and worst of our egos,  so we can break down and from that ground upon which we have fallen, we begin to heal, transform, become better individuals in and outside the box. Especially outside the box.
     
      The first rule of CrossFit is to talk about CrossFit. Maybe we are a cult of sorts. Personally, I don't mind. If that means that we are a community who strive everyday to live with passion, purpose and become better human beings and in the process move our society, our world to change, then yes, go ahead and call us a cult every damn day. After all, in the words of Charles Bukowski,

 "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death may tremble to take us."

 

Life is Short

"Ang Crossfit maka pa batan-on diay no?" (Crossfit does make you look younger.) This was the remark a fellow autism mom made to me last week. It has been two months since we last saw each other. It took her awhile to recognize me. I smiled and said ,"Yes and thank you," as graciously as I could.

Yes, Crossfit does make one look younger and so much more. I started doing Crossfit in our garage of June this year, took my elements classes in Crossfit Pintados Cebu in July.  The positive changes in my body and mind are the consequences of my decision to change many things in the way I live my life-- for starters, the way I eat.  I've decided to select more wisely the kinds of food I've been feeding myself. I've decided to end the denial that sodas and sugared beverages does more harm than good to my body. I've decided to accept the fact that while they give me instant gratification, the long term effects are detrimental. I don't need to watch the various demonstrations on YouTube how one brand of soda is used to clean toilets and remove vehicle rust. 

Nutrition and exercise in whatever form go together. All the time. Nutrition is the foundation. It doesn't matter how often you exercise, how many miles you walk or ride your bike or Zumba your ass off. If you feed your body junk, the effort you put in burning those calories will be junked as well.

I've gone down two dress sizes. But I haven't weighed myself. I don't weigh myself. The dress sizes pretty much speaks for itself. Besides, it's not the pounds shed that I am after. Contrary to what most people who do not know me believe, I'm not doing CrossFit so I can wear a size 3 or 4. And I am not sharing this to rub in the idea of me slimming down. 

I am sharing this to spread the word that we can do better in the way we eat, in the way we go through our daily routines, in the way we move, in the way we love and care for our family. We can do better. As Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, Reebok CrossFit Games 2014 Fittest Woman on Earth has so eloquently said, "We just need to make one better decision every single day."

No, I am not saying you should do Crossfit. Because not everybody can handle it. And that's fine. There are certainly other ways to be healthy.

But we have to make the decision to make one better decision every day. Does that make sense? Decide to decide. And then establish our "why". Come up with a deeply-rooted answer. "So I can wear a bikini and rock the jeans I wore before I got married"  and the like does not count as deeply-rooted. Sorry. It just doesn't. We can do better than that.

Do what needs to be done. Stop procrastinating. Life is short. Three days ago was exactly one year since that massive earthquake in Bohol.  In less than a month, it will be the one year since Typhoon Haiyan/ Yolanda. Life is short. Do not forget what it felt like when the winds ripped everything apart. Do not forget how our lives can be taken from us in a split second. Do not forget. Remember what is precious in your heart. Do what needs to be done.

Trust the process. All else will follow.

I AM NOT AN ACTIVIST

I am not an activist. I got a D in current events in my senior year because I was that apathetic. But life happened. 

So there's this. 

And then there's this:

http://kickerdaily.com/coco-martin-brings-pet-woman-to-benchs-degrading-fashion-event/

But then, I choose to go back and focus more on this:

Because I cannot do anything about the choices of the people responsible and those who participated (audience members included) in the said fashion event.

Because being frustrated, disappointed, infuriated does not do the community any more good. But taking care of myself by making myself stronger will.

Because maybe, just maybe, whoever  reads this post  will choose to become stronger any way they know how. And in becoming stronger, they realize, if they haven't already,  that demeaning any woman or man, hell, any human being JUST. WON'T. DO.

I am not an activist. But I am an advocate. For women becoming stronger. For men becoming stronger. For our society becoming stronger, better.

Thank you Lisbeth Darsh.

Thank you, Life. 

"Self-care is a form of social activism; it is not selfish. It is the means through which we can transform ourselves and those around us." - Dr. Debra Rouse

Helen

Helen

400 meter run
21 kettle bell swings
12 pull-ups

3RFT. Three. Rounds. For. Time. 

Sweet, sweet Helen. No wonder you sunk a thousand ships. Wait, or was it launch?  It didn't help that our beloved Coach Jayson remarked, in an effort to comfort us,  "Rest while you run." Then he grinned, knowing full well the blatant irony of his words? We, on the other hand cringed, the way your gut twists right before a Calculus or Chemistry exam.

To say that CrossFit requires mental strength more than physical strength is an understatement. I am at war with myself starting at the point when I see the WOD on that darling piece of white board. So if I want to nail the WOD, and not just any WOD, a benchmark workout, be it Helen or any other female-sounding, seemingly harmless name, I need to pull myself together. How do I do that? I  find a string, find other pieces of strings and weave it together, until it becomes stronger, like a rope. And hang on to that rope. For dear life.

I thought of a very dear friend of mine who was pure solace for me during those crucial college years, who has done wonders for my heart for the past 14 years. I decided I was going to confront Helen for Helene and her precious, growing baby girl inside her belly. I decided that they both were going to be my piece of rope this time.

I did not reach the cut-off time of 14 minutes. My time was 15:03. But I finished it. I confronted Helen. In the middle of the run my mind was screaming bloody murder at my body.  Truth be told, I didn't even think of Helene, my friend,  while I was willing my legs that felt like 100 pounds each by the second round, to move. I was, with all effort, trying to sound off the voices inside my head that told me I couldn't do it, to give up, to give in to the pain.

12 years ago, I clearly remember Helene telling me,  "At the end of the day, you will have to face yourself. Alone. Yes you have loved ones around you who will be here for you. But you will have to face your demons. Alone." What she said stuck with me all through these years. The truth of it was undeniable at the time.

Now? More than ever.

Inside the box. 

To nail that 30" box jump,  that 100-lb back squat. To complete the three rounds of 400 meter-run. To lift that kettle bell 63 times. To pull my body weight up 36 times. The coaches are there to teach and guide me with the proper technique and form. My fellow Crossfitters are there to cheer me on. But I and I alone will have to do the work.

Outside the box.

To live and thrive with the reality of autism in our boys' lives, our lives. And many other equally significant challenges, in work, in relationships, we will have to do the work ourselves. The therapists, teachers, our family  and friends will be there to surround us with the various ways of dealing with autism and the many other life challenges. But it is we ourselves who will have to fight the good fight. 

Mental strength. What sustains this much needed mental strength? Not merely constant self-talk, that's for sure. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing CrossFit? Why would anybody else do CrossFit? Why do we endure the trials that come our way? Why do we persevere in this life?

Find out your "why". From there, pour out all the love you have inside you in whatever it is you have decided to do. And this is what will sustain that mental strength. This is what will sustain you. 

I tackled Helen for Helene, my friend. Thank you for being there when I needed a rope to hang on to. 

I decided to do Crossfit for my boys. But above, beyond and beneath it all, I am doing all this to become a better human being. Because Garret and Morgan need me to be one. Because when they grow up and face the world,  they need people who do everything they can to be better than who they already are-- kinder, more compassionate, more resilient, stronger.  More. Every single day. Because maybe, just maybe, in my quest to be healthier in mind and body, in writing this blog, I could somehow compel people to take the high road. And those people just might be the ones who will be around for my boys when I pass on.

The coaches say Helen will be back in four months. Hopefully when that time comes, I'll be strong enough to complete the run finally getting Coach Jayson's wise advice of "Rest while you run", swing that kettle bell way overhead and pull myself up without the help of two bands.

I am optimistic that I will be. Because today I am stronger than yesterday. Much stronger than yesterday. And how much more four months from now.

Helene, the face the launched a thousand ships. Now I remember. It was "launched" not "sunk".

Launch.

verb

1. 

set (a boat) in motion by pushing it or allowing it to roll into the water.

My boys. My little prince Garret and feisty king Morgan. The love of my life, Andro. My dear, dear friend, Helene, my family who gave me roots and let me spread my wings. You are my "why" in this life. You are the reason why I do what I do. Why I endure. You gave me that much needed push into the water so I can sail on my journey. You are the reason why I can face and overcome my demons, so I can be the better than who I already am. Everyday. Thank you.

Oh and yes, thank you Helen. And by Helen, of course I mean CrossFit.