In Full Bloom

Life is not all roses in bloom.

The thorns are what make it worth it.

That is the entire point:

That we are made to question our strength, our identity, our humanity.

Who we are. What we are made of,

To bring us always out of our comfort zones.

To drive us to the edge of failure.

To question everything we have ever known
to be true and unchanging.

To change.

To go where the wind takes us.

To flow as a river flows through boulders, rocks, unexpected crevices.

To arrive at a place we may call home
For a time.

Because home is not just a place or a community
but a time in one's life.

That makes every moment precious so that
when the storms come

We are ready

To receive blows that leave us
gasping for air

With our hands grasping the mounds of earth,
dirt that smear our vanities, our pride.

To draw strength from that same earth.

To find infinite possibilities within ourselves.

To believe in those possibilities. 

To breathe again new and deeper breaths and then

To rise

This time stronger.

Wiser.

Better.

More human.

More beautiful

Like roses in full bloom.

"Life is not fair. But it is beautiful." - Patrick Mclean

Life is Short

"Ang Crossfit maka pa batan-on diay no?" (Crossfit does make you look younger.) This was the remark a fellow autism mom made to me last week. It has been two months since we last saw each other. It took her awhile to recognize me. I smiled and said ,"Yes and thank you," as graciously as I could.

Yes, Crossfit does make one look younger and so much more. I started doing Crossfit in our garage of June this year, took my elements classes in Crossfit Pintados Cebu in July.  The positive changes in my body and mind are the consequences of my decision to change many things in the way I live my life-- for starters, the way I eat.  I've decided to select more wisely the kinds of food I've been feeding myself. I've decided to end the denial that sodas and sugared beverages does more harm than good to my body. I've decided to accept the fact that while they give me instant gratification, the long term effects are detrimental. I don't need to watch the various demonstrations on YouTube how one brand of soda is used to clean toilets and remove vehicle rust. 

Nutrition and exercise in whatever form go together. All the time. Nutrition is the foundation. It doesn't matter how often you exercise, how many miles you walk or ride your bike or Zumba your ass off. If you feed your body junk, the effort you put in burning those calories will be junked as well.

I've gone down two dress sizes. But I haven't weighed myself. I don't weigh myself. The dress sizes pretty much speaks for itself. Besides, it's not the pounds shed that I am after. Contrary to what most people who do not know me believe, I'm not doing CrossFit so I can wear a size 3 or 4. And I am not sharing this to rub in the idea of me slimming down. 

I am sharing this to spread the word that we can do better in the way we eat, in the way we go through our daily routines, in the way we move, in the way we love and care for our family. We can do better. As Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, Reebok CrossFit Games 2014 Fittest Woman on Earth has so eloquently said, "We just need to make one better decision every single day."

No, I am not saying you should do Crossfit. Because not everybody can handle it. And that's fine. There are certainly other ways to be healthy.

But we have to make the decision to make one better decision every day. Does that make sense? Decide to decide. And then establish our "why". Come up with a deeply-rooted answer. "So I can wear a bikini and rock the jeans I wore before I got married"  and the like does not count as deeply-rooted. Sorry. It just doesn't. We can do better than that.

Do what needs to be done. Stop procrastinating. Life is short. Three days ago was exactly one year since that massive earthquake in Bohol.  In less than a month, it will be the one year since Typhoon Haiyan/ Yolanda. Life is short. Do not forget what it felt like when the winds ripped everything apart. Do not forget how our lives can be taken from us in a split second. Do not forget. Remember what is precious in your heart. Do what needs to be done.

Trust the process. All else will follow.

My Truth

If CrossFit has taught me anything, it is to constantly ask, "Why am I doing this?" "What for?" Because if I don't,  things will fall apart. Maybe not right away. But eventually.

Establish your why for doing Crossfit. For doing the warm-ups without waiting for your coach telling you to. For lifting that barbell many many times even as your body defies you. For running three rounds  of 400 meter runs even as your mental toughness or whatever is left of it betrays you. For incurring lashes just to get your double-unders right. Even as your breath is stripped down to the visceral level of a gasp.

Ask yourself why. Why you're working your ass off 8 hours a day, 6 days a week for an insufferable boss. Ask yourself why you're persevering in a thankless job that only takes you away from your family. Ask yourself why you are feeding your body junk. Ask yourself why you consider a doughnut a worthy treat for all your hard work. (It's not.) Ask yourself why despite countless betrayals in life, work, love,  you still carry on. Ask yourself why even when life throws a sucker punch and you are left gasping for air, you still manage to catch your breath and start all over again.

Ask why.

When the answers come, don't be afraid. 

Don't be afraid when the day turns to dusk, when storm clouds gather in your mind or in real life as answers often come during these times.

Don't be afraid  when you have nobody beside you but yourself, lying in bed, awake until the wee hours of the night.

Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions, establish the hard truths. Your truth.

"Sometimes your scars have a lot less to do with where you've been and a lot more to do with where you're going." - R.M. Drake

So where are you going with all this? What is your why? What is your truth?

Our two boys have autism. The world they will have to face when I am no longer around is uncertain at the very least.
I do Crossfit so I can be healthier, stronger, sharper in mind and body to better care for my boys. For a very long time. 

This is why I endure. This is why I persevere.

This,

 

is my why. 

What's yours? 

Ask yourself why. Find your truth. Your truth will lead you home.