July 1-4, 2014. Four days straight. I accomplished my elements classes at Crossfit Pintados Cebu. To say that it was one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life is an understatement.
When the heart is full, it spills over. All over. Where do I start? Five things. Five things I learned.
This is the beauty of Crossfit. Or at least what Crossfit brings to my life. It enables me to ponder, mull over, then apply. Reflect then live out. The best way I know how. And yes, it fuels my love for words.
So, five things.
1. Fall softly, quiet yourself.
2. Push yourself from the ground.
3. Keep the bar close to your body.
4. Engage your core.
5. Fear is on the other side of life.
Fall softly. Quiet yourself.
Everyone's favorite. Burpees. When you land, land softly. Quiet yourself. Drown out the noise outside and inside your head. If it's burpee day, face it. But one thing's for sure, it won't get any easier if you keep on complaining and yapping. And you can't get through it if you you allow yourself to be drowned out by the noises: It's too difficult. It's too hard. It's so tiring. Why were burpees invented? Who the hell invented burpees?
So if you have to get down on that ground, go ahead. Fall. Your body may thud thunderously, but quiet your mind. Once you get this down to the letter, you can gather strength, the necessary strength to spring back up and hear the one noise that you need to hear, "One!"
Whatever challenges come my way, I need to quiet the negative voices saying, "Oh no, another one?" I need to silence my mind. Reset. Begin to breathe new breaths. With every new breath say, "Yes! Another one. And it's okay. I can do this." The challenge has been set. No use spending unnecessary energy on the why's. Just get down on the ground, gather strength from the quiet and spring back up with the solutions. And hear yourself say, "One!"
Push yourself from the ground.
When doing push-ups, push yourself up from the ground. Start from the ground, not from a plank position. Not up. That's why it's called a push-up not a push-down.
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." -J.K. Rowling
Life becomes so much more valuable when we lose it. By life, I mean, love, people, things, the muse, beliefs. There is no beauty in having it all. There is no beauty in perfection. There IS, however in struggle, in loss, in the process of overcoming, in kissing the ground, falling face first on the ground, with mud and grime on your face, and then in the rebuilding.
Yolanda. And other Yolanda's. Rock bottoms. Plenty of them. Many more to come. It doesn't matter. What matters is I know now that all I need to do is to push myself from the ground. Keep pushing myself from the ground. Fall down, get back up. Down, up. Rebuild. Over and over again. And each time, learn something new. Every single time. With each new lesson, become stronger. Become more. Become better than who and what I already am today.
Keep the bar (olympic bar) close to your body.
Yellow elements. Lifts. Keep the bar close to your body. Lift it straight up. No rainbow-ing. Every inch away from the body is several pounds heavier.
There comes a point where one realizes crap doesn't deserve a space in a life anymore. Crap- some material things, issues, people, beliefs that are of no use, that don't make you a better person. You realize the true meaning of the adage, "Be yourself." Stay true to who you are. Stay close to those close to your heart. To whatever beats in synchronicity with the tempo of your heart. All else? Run away from it. Push it away. Because it's just deadweight. You don't need it. Remember what is important. Focus on what matters. Keep the bar close to your body.
"Run my dear from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. Run like hell my dear from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred tender vision of your beautiful heart." -Hafez
Engage your core.
Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. Kettle bell swings. And all else. Generate power from your hips, from your abs, from your core, not your limbs. The limbs get tired. Easily. Strength from them wears out fast.
"Duty makes us do things well. Love makes us do things beautifully." - Zig Ziglar
There is no such thing as too much beauty in this life. We need more of it, even. Passion. Spirit. Heart. Don't do things half-assed. And by ass of course I mean the beast that's your heart.
Fear is on the other side of life.
The 10 kg kettle bell. The 12 kg kettle bell. The 8 kg wall ball. The burpee. The olympic bar. The run. The plank. The 20" box. The sled. My entire body weight. All of this, new to me, scary to me. Will I be able to carry it, swing it, throw it, pull it, lift my own weight?
I visited my papa's grave. Engraved on his tombstone is his favorite passage from Psalm 23.
"The Lord is my shepherd. There is nothing I shall want."
When Typhoon Ruping struck in 1990, I remember my mom and aunts repeating this over and over in prayer. I was 10 years old. Until now, I could remember how the wind howled.
This was the psalm I chose to be read on my wedding. To say there are numerous uncharted waters in a marriage is just icing on the cake.
When Yolanda struck, I remember faintly chanting Psalm 23 quietly as I held Morgan in my shaking arms, Garret right behind me with confusion in his eyes, Andro bravely checking the rest of the house, thrown by the fierce winds but thankfully unharmed, as the ceilings collapsed one by one. I do not remember how the wind howled. But I remember how the fear in my ears screamed like geese.
The night after Yolanda struck as we were doing our best to settle into fatigued sleep, I remember berating God. "Why? Unsa may sala namu nimu? Have we failed you so greatly that you have to inflict this upon us?"
I was angry. I was scared. What next? For my boys. For myself. For my family.
Anger and fear.
These two are very powerful emotions. But they are only as powerful as the permission I give to them to be powerful. Yes, I need these two emotions. Because to be human is to feel all of it. Weep for all of it. Not just the happy parts of life. But the will to overcome is what is important. To overcome is what is important.
The only way to conquer anything is through it. Not around it or over it. Through it.
Fear is on the other side of life. And life is what I want. While I am still living.
"to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again."
-Ellen Bass-
So now, a resounding yes to kettle bells, lunges, sleds, box jumps, push ups, pull ups and all else I haven't had the pleasure of encountering yet.
Five things. Five pieces of affirmation:
To quiet strength.
To embracing imperfection and rebuilding.
To courage and grace.
To passion and love.
To life.
A sixth one to sum it all up beautifully:
Here's to the beauty that is Crossfit.
