Helen
400 meter run
21 kettle bell swings
12 pull-ups
3RFT. Three. Rounds. For. Time.
Sweet, sweet Helen. No wonder you sunk a thousand ships. Wait, or was it launch? It didn't help that our beloved
Coach Jayson remarked, in an effort to comfort us, "Rest while you run." Then he grinned, knowing full well the blatant irony of his words? We, on the other hand cringed, the way your gut twists right before a Calculus or Chemistry exam.
To say that CrossFit requires mental strength more than physical strength is an understatement. I am at war with myself starting at the point when I see the WOD on that darling piece of white board. So if I want to nail the WOD, and not just any WOD, a benchmark workout, be it Helen or any other female-sounding, seemingly harmless name, I need to pull myself together. How do I do that? I find a string, find other pieces of strings and weave it together, until it becomes stronger, like a rope. And hang on to that rope. For dear life.
I thought of a very dear friend of mine who was pure solace for me during those crucial college years, who has done wonders for my heart for the past 14 years. I decided I was going to confront
Helen for Helene and her precious, growing baby girl inside her belly. I decided that they both were going to be my piece of rope this time.
I did not reach the cut-off time of 14 minutes. My time was 15:03. But I finished it. I confronted Helen. In the middle of the run my mind was screaming bloody murder at my body. Truth be told, I didn't even think of Helene, my friend, while I was willing my legs that felt like 100 pounds each by the second round, to move. I was, with all effort, trying to sound off the voices inside my head that told me I couldn't do it, to give up, to give in to the pain.
12 years ago, I clearly remember Helene telling me, "At the end of the day, you will have to face yourself. Alone. Yes you have loved ones around you who will be here for you. But you will have to face your demons. Alone." What she said stuck with me all through these years. The truth of it was undeniable at the time.
Now? More than ever.
Inside the box.
To nail that 30" box jump, that 100-lb back squat. To complete the three rounds of 400 meter-run. To lift that kettle bell 63 times. To pull my body weight up 36 times. The coaches are there to teach and guide me with the proper technique and form. My fellow Crossfitters are there to cheer me on. But I and I alone will have to do the work.
Outside the box.
To live and thrive with the reality of autism in our boys' lives, our lives. And many other equally significant challenges, in work, in relationships, we will have to do the work ourselves. The therapists, teachers, our family and friends will be there to surround us with the various ways of dealing with autism and the many other life challenges. But it is we ourselves who will have to fight the good fight.
Mental strength. What sustains this much needed mental strength? Not merely constant self-talk, that's for sure. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing CrossFit? Why would anybody else do CrossFit? Why do we endure the trials that come our way? Why do we persevere in this life?
Find out your "why". From there, pour out all the love you have inside you in whatever it is you have decided to do. And this is what will sustain that mental strength. This is what will sustain you.
I tackled Helen for Helene, my friend. Thank you for being there when I needed a rope to hang on to.
I decided to do Crossfit for my boys. But above, beyond and beneath it all, I am doing all this to become a better human being. Because Garret and Morgan need me to be one. Because when they grow up and face the world, they need people who do everything they can to be better than who they already are-- kinder, more compassionate, more resilient, stronger. More. Every single day. Because maybe, just maybe, in my quest to be healthier in mind and body, in writing this blog, I could somehow compel people to take the high road. And those people just might be the ones who will be around for my boys when I pass on.
The coaches say Helen will be back in four months. Hopefully when that time comes, I'll be strong enough to complete the run finally getting Coach Jayson's wise advice of "Rest while you run", swing that kettle bell way overhead and pull myself up without the help of two bands.
I am optimistic that I will be. Because today I am stronger than yesterday. Much stronger than yesterday. And how much more four months from now.
Helene, the face the launched a thousand ships. Now I remember. It was "launched" not "sunk".
Launch.
verb
1.
set (a boat) in motion by pushing it or allowing it to roll into the water.
My boys. My little prince Garret and feisty king Morgan. The love of my life, Andro. My dear, dear friend, Helene, my family who gave me roots and let me spread my wings. You are my "why" in this life. You are the reason why I do what I do. Why I endure. You gave me that much needed push into the water so I can sail on my journey. You are the reason why I can face and overcome my demons, so I can be the better than who I already am. Everyday. Thank you.
Oh and yes, thank you Helen. And by Helen, of course I mean CrossFit.
