noun
Def. A formidable and usually victorious rival or opponent.
We all have one. We all meet one. Sooner or later.
Of all the "monsters" I have had to face in my life. I think I may have finally encountered my very own formidable opponent. It wasn't the agonizing labor of my first-born, and the eventual caesarian section and the succeeding searing pain in the scar as it healed slowly nor the subsequent c.s. section of my second-born either. Nor was it the molar extraction I recently had. Nor was it the engraving of my boys' name on the flesh of my ribcage.
Two words. BUR-PEES.
Seemingly harmless, even comic word/s. Don't be fooled. It will wear you down like a mule. It will parch you dry as dry as the most arid of deserts. Not that I've been to one. It will create warring voices in your head that spins your left and right hemispheres out of control that make you cry out in exhaustion. No, not cry out as in "AAAAAH". I mean weep. Like fighting for every ounce of your strength weep.
But this afternoon at 5:30 p.m. I confronted the damn monster. For the very first time. And I tell you it certainly wasn't love at first sight.
If the internal reprimand on myself that went, "Why are you punishing yourself? Why the hell? What the hell?" is any indication of how the "first encounter" went, then you would know the entire story.
7 Wall Balls. 5 Burpees. As many reps as possible within 7 minutes. The seven minutes seemed like an eternity. But come to pass it did. And no, I did not pass out. I almost passed out.
Three days ago, an acquaintance asked me how the husband convinced me to do Crossfit. For those of you who may not be informed, suffice it to say that the husband is the outdoor, athletic one. Me? The total opposite of him. This was my answer to the question: "With everything that has happened, Yolanda and all else, I think everything just fell into place, meaning, I realized that I cannot afford to be weak when our boys need me to be at my best all the time. It's not enough that I am not unhealthy. I have to be better than healthy, stronger, more efficient, better than who I was before. If we can live forever for our boys, we will. But we know we can't. So this is our gift to both of them.
But, man, while I was doing the second rep of burpees, I could almost hear myself saying to my boys, "Can I give you another gift instead?"
The truth is, while I'm doing the WOD'S that Andro prepares for me, I cannot even think of my boys. Because with every 10th sumo dead lift high pull, every 5th burpee (I know, pathetic), I am at war with myself. The heaving and gasps of breath and sweat running down every nook and cranny of my body doesn't even come close to explicitly expound the battle I have in my head. Voices in varying decibels, the sharp and not at all considerate kind screaming at me I cannot even hear One Republic and Bono blaring, cheering me on in the background.
When I finish the workout, that's when I can think of my boys. My Garret and Morgan. I look at them playing with the water hose in our garage. Yes they play in front of me as I work out. And I don't know why but even as I collapse from sheer exhaustion, when I see Garret's eyes crinkling in delight, when I see Morgan's cheeks happily puffed up pink, I still manage to smile in spite of the battle I just fought with myself. And a gentle and crystal clear voice inside my head resounds, "This is the answer to your why."
And this is when I am reminded that the pain I allow myself to go through with every WOD, is nothing, NOTHING compared to the struggle that my boys deal with with the world every single day. "Wa ra ni sa kiting", we say in our language.
This is what drew me to Crossfit. The breaking of one's ego. The purposeful breakdown of one's bravado. Because at the end of every workout, you literally fall on your knees. Weeping. Puking. Weeping. And once you're broken for the day, you see light. You gain insight. You are reminded of what is really important in life. You find out your why.
And then you retrace your steps and start all over again the next day for a different set of body breaking, ego-stripping exercises.
With every set, you get stronger. Better. Sharper. Humbler. More graceful. More discerning. Perhaps you may even be as formidable than your opponent. Maybe even more victorious.
My WOD score: 5 Rounds + 2 Wall Balls. Within 7 minutes. Not bad, my husband says. "Really." I reply, part disbelief, part wanting to believe. But, belief won over. For self-preservation's sake, whatever ego I have left. (Wink!)
So to you, Burpee(s) (yes, it's actually just one word), you may have broken me today. You may have earned the title of "nemesis" in my dictionary today. But tomorrow and the days after that, I'll be the one to hold that title. Four words.
FOR.MI.DA.BLE.
"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - John Keating quoting Henry David Thoreau in Dead Poet's Society
No comments:
Post a Comment