Human

After a long time, the hubby and I finally got back to Crossfit Pintados in Cebu. A long overdue visit. It was time to rejuvenate, to drink from the well of positive energy, wellness and community. Still struggling with cough and colds, I decided to still do the WODs. I was sick for almost two weeks and I was sick of being sick. (Anybody relate?)

Needless to say, I did not finish one of the WODs, as Coach Jayson, upon seeing my fire engine-red face after the third round, decided that I not continue. After catching my breath, my brain was working over time, firing lessons I needed to learn from this humbling experience. 

1. I am not wonder woman, black widow or whoever superhero there is out there. Not even a nuance thereof. I. am. human. When my body says it's time to rest. I need to Listen. No shame in saying, I can't do this. For now.

2. When I lift the barbell or throw that wall ball way up in the air, I need to use my hips, my core. Where all power and strength comes. The arms can only do so much. But when I learn to be aware where my power and strength comes, and move my body accordingly, amazing things happen. I am able to throw that dreaded wall ball 9 feet high and thrust that dreaded barbell up and over my head.

A recurring lesson: Do things from where your heart is, where your passion lies.  Otherwise, you'll burn out. Obligation can only do so much. Desire on the other hand can make you do amazing things. Actually achieving your dreams, for one. And when this happens, you shine so much positive energy to those around you that they cannot help but be inspired and finally decide to follow their passions as well. When this happens, imagine how better our community, our world could be.

In the same manner, we need people who lift us up, propel us up, not drag us down. Learn to sift through the pile. Again and again. If we can't find any, we have got to learn to lift ourselves up. There is only strength and wisdom to be gained.

3. Don't be afraid to go heavy. Heavy on the lifts. Heavy in volume. That's the only way your core and quads will activate.

Conflict, adversity, struggle is inevitable. As certain as the sun rises.  It is not something to overcome. It is something one has to learn to live with and be stronger, become more human because of it.

When adversity comes, when people do what they are bound to do-- hurt us, there's no shame in admitting," I am hurt." That only means something or someone is , has been important to us. And that is exactly what we should work towards -- to be more human, To feel more deeply. To care more genuinely. To be more open to life's tragedies and miracles.

4. Scale accordingly. "Start where you are. Use what you have." Be aware of how your body moves, the position of your feet, the weight on your heels, how you stabilize your core. Work with what your body can do. Stop comparing yourself with others. Love your body and how it progresses. But work on getting stronger.  Then work your way up.

We are all trying to make it in this life. We all are. With every choice we make, the paths we forge and bridges we need to burn. We are choosing with the mental and emotional capacity, maturity and  wisdom that we have from the life experiences we have had as of the moment. With each choice, we learn, learn better and we become better, however we define better to be.

Remember what is important: Progress not perfection.

This is exactly why I love Crossfit. Everytime I'm inside the box, I'm actually learning outside the box. Life skills and wisdom that can only be gained with an open mind, an open heart and open nostrils (ha!), ripped palms, knees to the ground, arms outstretched to the skies.

And this is why I write. To cement the lessons that have come from every thruster, snatch or run. To make memories last longer. So I can go back to and gather strength from them especially during those times when times get rough. To celebrate the person I have become every time my body screams bloody murder. To be grateful for having been given this amazing opportunity to be transformed time and again, to have been given a second chance everyday to become a better person, to becoming more human. 

Somewhere along the way, I may have forgotten what it truly is to live. I spend my life with fists raised to protect myself from failure. Unknowingly with a mindset like this, I have lost touch with the very essence of the life the Universe has gifted me with.

I am human. And I should celebrate my being one. Every time I stray away from my "humanness", I should strive to always find my way back.

Crossfit lets me find my way back. All the time.

What a truly blessed human I am!

Photo Description: Image is my left hand, palm ripped, which by the way does not even come close to what those 44  police officers experienced and what their families are going through right now,  from the Hero WOD we conquered to honor the fallen 44 SAF police officers in the battle of Mamapasano on January 25, 2015.

The First Rule

     The first rule in Crossfit is to talk about Crossfit. We joke about this every time. Because it is true. We who have joined this wonderful, amazing, beautiful world of Crossfit do talk about it. All the time. We read Crossfit journals. We watch countless videos. We research. And then we share it on Facebook or Instagram. We try to convince other people to do Crossfit. We spread the love of Crossfit by word and deed. Then we talk about it some more. Some call us a cult of sorts.

      But I would like to think that for the most part, we talk about the essence of Crossfit. What Crossfit has done to our lives. What significant and powerful changes it has made in our body and mind and even in our spirituality. Because above and beyond all the journals, the videos of the athletes, the articles, the tips on doing that perfect, power clean, deadlift,  snatch or jerk, are the stories of transformation and healing. This year, there is an estimated 10,000 Crossfit affiliates all around the world. Imagine the number of stories from those ten thousand boxes. Such an abundance of healing and transformation. All one has to do to get a daily dose of positive energy and perhaps find the catalyst for personal change for those who are still seeking it is to listen to those stories. And listen well.

     My own story is simple. I am by no means athletic. Growing up I was made fun of by my cousins because I was the slowest runner among them being a chubby kid. While I grew out of that "chubby phase", I was for the most part sedentary where P.E. all throughout school was just a requirement that I had to pass.  At age 23, I got married, had a beautiful boy in 2005 and another beautiful boy in 2008. Both have autism.  In November 8, 2013, our house was ravaged by Typhoon Yolanda. In the midst of the storm we had to run from one room to another as the ceilings collapsed one by one, me carrying our younger son all throughout until we had to evacuate to our neighbor's house. Suffice it to say that the greatest lesson I ever learned from that disaster was that life could be taken away in just a split of a second. And this is why I questioned myself, "What use is this life if we do not live it with so much passion and purpose that "even death would even tremble to take us"?

     Yolanda was a wake-up call. I could no longer could live my life as passively as I did before. I could no longer place my well-being on external forces. I could no longer put the work of being happy on other people. With the needs of my two very special boys, I realized I had to step up in making sure that even well into my late years, I am still able to be by their side very alive and kicking sharply. But more than that, I decided that the only way to live was to live remarkably. To work with so much commitment and passion it does not matter that I would exhaust my emotional and mental energy at the end of the day.  To share precious quality time with people who matter in my life, who are able to make a better person. To choose the high road-- forgiveness, peace, grace, courage, hope.  

          This is where Crossfit fit exactly into my life. With every warm-up, mobility, lift, metabolic conditioning, in every single part of the WOD, the very purpose of Crossfit is to bring you to the very center of your being and demand you answer the question, "Why?" as in "why the hell are you doing this? What for?" And each time that you answer, "Because I want to be stronger, healthier, sharper. Because I want to be better", you find strength to lift that kettle bell one more time, to clean that barbell one more time, to nail that pull-up one more time.  This is the essence of Crossfit-- To always bring us out of our comfort zones, to drive us to the edge of our fears,  to grind us, to take the very best and worst of us, obliterate the very best and worst of our egos,  so we can break down and from that ground upon which we have fallen, we begin to heal, transform, become better individuals in and outside the box. Especially outside the box.
     
      The first rule of CrossFit is to talk about CrossFit. Maybe we are a cult of sorts. Personally, I don't mind. If that means that we are a community who strive everyday to live with passion, purpose and become better human beings and in the process move our society, our world to change, then yes, go ahead and call us a cult every damn day. After all, in the words of Charles Bukowski,

 "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death may tremble to take us."

 

Helen

Helen

400 meter run
21 kettle bell swings
12 pull-ups

3RFT. Three. Rounds. For. Time. 

Sweet, sweet Helen. No wonder you sunk a thousand ships. Wait, or was it launch?  It didn't help that our beloved Coach Jayson remarked, in an effort to comfort us,  "Rest while you run." Then he grinned, knowing full well the blatant irony of his words? We, on the other hand cringed, the way your gut twists right before a Calculus or Chemistry exam.

To say that CrossFit requires mental strength more than physical strength is an understatement. I am at war with myself starting at the point when I see the WOD on that darling piece of white board. So if I want to nail the WOD, and not just any WOD, a benchmark workout, be it Helen or any other female-sounding, seemingly harmless name, I need to pull myself together. How do I do that? I  find a string, find other pieces of strings and weave it together, until it becomes stronger, like a rope. And hang on to that rope. For dear life.

I thought of a very dear friend of mine who was pure solace for me during those crucial college years, who has done wonders for my heart for the past 14 years. I decided I was going to confront Helen for Helene and her precious, growing baby girl inside her belly. I decided that they both were going to be my piece of rope this time.

I did not reach the cut-off time of 14 minutes. My time was 15:03. But I finished it. I confronted Helen. In the middle of the run my mind was screaming bloody murder at my body.  Truth be told, I didn't even think of Helene, my friend,  while I was willing my legs that felt like 100 pounds each by the second round, to move. I was, with all effort, trying to sound off the voices inside my head that told me I couldn't do it, to give up, to give in to the pain.

12 years ago, I clearly remember Helene telling me,  "At the end of the day, you will have to face yourself. Alone. Yes you have loved ones around you who will be here for you. But you will have to face your demons. Alone." What she said stuck with me all through these years. The truth of it was undeniable at the time.

Now? More than ever.

Inside the box. 

To nail that 30" box jump,  that 100-lb back squat. To complete the three rounds of 400 meter-run. To lift that kettle bell 63 times. To pull my body weight up 36 times. The coaches are there to teach and guide me with the proper technique and form. My fellow Crossfitters are there to cheer me on. But I and I alone will have to do the work.

Outside the box.

To live and thrive with the reality of autism in our boys' lives, our lives. And many other equally significant challenges, in work, in relationships, we will have to do the work ourselves. The therapists, teachers, our family  and friends will be there to surround us with the various ways of dealing with autism and the many other life challenges. But it is we ourselves who will have to fight the good fight. 

Mental strength. What sustains this much needed mental strength? Not merely constant self-talk, that's for sure. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing CrossFit? Why would anybody else do CrossFit? Why do we endure the trials that come our way? Why do we persevere in this life?

Find out your "why". From there, pour out all the love you have inside you in whatever it is you have decided to do. And this is what will sustain that mental strength. This is what will sustain you. 

I tackled Helen for Helene, my friend. Thank you for being there when I needed a rope to hang on to. 

I decided to do Crossfit for my boys. But above, beyond and beneath it all, I am doing all this to become a better human being. Because Garret and Morgan need me to be one. Because when they grow up and face the world,  they need people who do everything they can to be better than who they already are-- kinder, more compassionate, more resilient, stronger.  More. Every single day. Because maybe, just maybe, in my quest to be healthier in mind and body, in writing this blog, I could somehow compel people to take the high road. And those people just might be the ones who will be around for my boys when I pass on.

The coaches say Helen will be back in four months. Hopefully when that time comes, I'll be strong enough to complete the run finally getting Coach Jayson's wise advice of "Rest while you run", swing that kettle bell way overhead and pull myself up without the help of two bands.

I am optimistic that I will be. Because today I am stronger than yesterday. Much stronger than yesterday. And how much more four months from now.

Helene, the face the launched a thousand ships. Now I remember. It was "launched" not "sunk".

Launch.

verb

1. 

set (a boat) in motion by pushing it or allowing it to roll into the water.

My boys. My little prince Garret and feisty king Morgan. The love of my life, Andro. My dear, dear friend, Helene, my family who gave me roots and let me spread my wings. You are my "why" in this life. You are the reason why I do what I do. Why I endure. You gave me that much needed push into the water so I can sail on my journey. You are the reason why I can face and overcome my demons, so I can be the better than who I already am. Everyday. Thank you.

Oh and yes, thank you Helen. And by Helen, of course I mean CrossFit.

27th August

To  find a place inside myself where nothing is impossible.

To draw strength from my core, to do things always with love.

To go one step further. And always one step further.

To know that ego has no place in the grand scheme of life.

To uncurl the fist and let the things that don't matter go.

To grab on to the things that do.

To hold it with a vise grip.

To find strength there and not be afraid to begin again

And again and again.

To trust in wherever the journey will bring me.

To discover, create, recreate my truth.

And in the process become a better human being. 

For my boys. For myself. 

For the love of my life.

For the people who love me.

For the people who I love.

To be grateful and always be grateful.

No matter what. 

Thank you, Crossfit.

Thank you Universe 

for Crossfit.