The Right Time

"Do not wait. The time will never be "just right". - Napoleon Hill

The right dress. The right handbag. The right shoes. The right shade of lipstick. The right hair color or texture. The right shoes.  The right mate. The right conditions and many more other "right things."

Call it being a woman. Or call it good old human nature. We want all the conditions to be just right. But is there ever such a thing? 

To go after one's dreams. To pursue the love of one's life. To decide to be a better parent, spouse, daughter, son, brother, sister, friend. To decide to be a better person, is there such a thing as the "right time"?

Weeks before my elements classes at Crossfit Pintados Cebu, my husband helped me prepare myself mentally and physically. The  Crossfit YouTube tutorial videos and Crossfit Journeys  we watched was our everyday soul food. He thoughtfully bought me all the gear I needed: Crossfit Nanos, tank tops, dry-fit shirts, sports bras, shorts, socks, head band, water bottle and recovery drink.   At the time, there was no available retailer in the country that we knew of that sold the prescribed Crossfit shoes. So he ordered it from Rogue, had it shipped from the U.S. via a private courier to ensure the safety of the package. We paid a fine sum for the shipping. But it was all worth it.

My decision to do Crossfit was borne out of the terrible ordeal we went through with Typhoon Haiyan where our house was ripped to shreds, and we had to evacuate in the middle of the typhoon to our neighbor's house, my husband and me carrying our two boys with special needs. I realized how easily our life could have been taken in an instant. But we are still here and very much alive. It's amazing how an ordeal such as this could bring things into a much clearer perspective, which is to know and fully be aware that what is important is immaterial. I decided to be healthier in mind and body. I decided to live a life that is not just  disease-free but one where I have optimal physical and mental health so that well into my late years, I can still meet the needs of my two boys. However much they will need me. They deserve that without question.

Crossfit is not a leisurely walk in the park.  It requires mental toughness more than physical strength. A mindset tougher more than anyone could ever imagine. This is why the amount of detail that my husband put into preparing me gear-wise is more deeply-rooted than me just looking good out there. Wearing the proper attire-- shoes, shorts, tank top, etc all make for creating a solid mindset that what I, we have decided upon was, is a decision of a lifetime. There was, is no turning back.

So it is that many have teased me about how it seemed as if I was a Rogue endorser since I was so "decked out" in Rogue gear. At the time I had no comeback of any kind save for a sheepish grin. But here's my response now: I need to wear the proper shoes so I can do my squats, which is the foundation of all movements in Crossfit, the right way. I need to wear a breathable top and bottom apparel so I do not overheat when the WODs get the better of me. I need to wear a head band to prevent sweat from searing and drenching my eyes blurring my vision. I can't have blurry vision when I jump on that 30" box. Who wants to get unnecessarily injured or harmed in the process of becoming more fit, more strong, more healthy? Certainly no one.

Am I saying, you all should get decked out in Rogue gear? Of course not. The great thing about deciding to change for the better  by becoming physically stronger and healthier is that you begin to discover a plethora of ways and means to achieve that goal, including and beginning with acquiring the proper attire from your head gear down to your proper sports shoes. Becoming better need not require hard-to-access requirements. All it requires is a generous amount of initiative on your part to take the first step. Whether it's  a selection of apparels from Rogue or an easily accessible website such as Zalora, (yes, they have a selection of sports apparel) all that really matters is that you decide to become better.  Check out Gearbox PH as well while we're at it.

You may be saying now, "What is she, a product endorser now?" Aren't we all for all our beliefs and faiths in various things theoretical, material and immaterial?  What I can say to you  is that  I am  certainly on a mission. If this blog is of any use, I will use my words so others will be challenged to decide to become better, stronger, healthier in mind and body. I'm on a mission to stay steadfast on the course of becoming a better person, stronger and healthier in mind and body. And on this road I have chosen to tread on, I adamantly hope that others join me in this journey as well.

To grab life by the collar and to refuse to live a life that is anything less than extraordinary, there are no "right" conditions. To decide to become a better person however you define "better" to be, there are no 'right' conditions.  Haiyan was what propelled me to decide to become a better person. Maybe Haiyan was the "right conditions", was the "right time" for me. But I choose to look at it this way, that it was  a second chance  to know and realize that to just be alive  is the only  "right" condition.

"Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along."

- Napoleon Hill

The First Rule

     The first rule in Crossfit is to talk about Crossfit. We joke about this every time. Because it is true. We who have joined this wonderful, amazing, beautiful world of Crossfit do talk about it. All the time. We read Crossfit journals. We watch countless videos. We research. And then we share it on Facebook or Instagram. We try to convince other people to do Crossfit. We spread the love of Crossfit by word and deed. Then we talk about it some more. Some call us a cult of sorts.

      But I would like to think that for the most part, we talk about the essence of Crossfit. What Crossfit has done to our lives. What significant and powerful changes it has made in our body and mind and even in our spirituality. Because above and beyond all the journals, the videos of the athletes, the articles, the tips on doing that perfect, power clean, deadlift,  snatch or jerk, are the stories of transformation and healing. This year, there is an estimated 10,000 Crossfit affiliates all around the world. Imagine the number of stories from those ten thousand boxes. Such an abundance of healing and transformation. All one has to do to get a daily dose of positive energy and perhaps find the catalyst for personal change for those who are still seeking it is to listen to those stories. And listen well.

     My own story is simple. I am by no means athletic. Growing up I was made fun of by my cousins because I was the slowest runner among them being a chubby kid. While I grew out of that "chubby phase", I was for the most part sedentary where P.E. all throughout school was just a requirement that I had to pass.  At age 23, I got married, had a beautiful boy in 2005 and another beautiful boy in 2008. Both have autism.  In November 8, 2013, our house was ravaged by Typhoon Yolanda. In the midst of the storm we had to run from one room to another as the ceilings collapsed one by one, me carrying our younger son all throughout until we had to evacuate to our neighbor's house. Suffice it to say that the greatest lesson I ever learned from that disaster was that life could be taken away in just a split of a second. And this is why I questioned myself, "What use is this life if we do not live it with so much passion and purpose that "even death would even tremble to take us"?

     Yolanda was a wake-up call. I could no longer could live my life as passively as I did before. I could no longer place my well-being on external forces. I could no longer put the work of being happy on other people. With the needs of my two very special boys, I realized I had to step up in making sure that even well into my late years, I am still able to be by their side very alive and kicking sharply. But more than that, I decided that the only way to live was to live remarkably. To work with so much commitment and passion it does not matter that I would exhaust my emotional and mental energy at the end of the day.  To share precious quality time with people who matter in my life, who are able to make a better person. To choose the high road-- forgiveness, peace, grace, courage, hope.  

          This is where Crossfit fit exactly into my life. With every warm-up, mobility, lift, metabolic conditioning, in every single part of the WOD, the very purpose of Crossfit is to bring you to the very center of your being and demand you answer the question, "Why?" as in "why the hell are you doing this? What for?" And each time that you answer, "Because I want to be stronger, healthier, sharper. Because I want to be better", you find strength to lift that kettle bell one more time, to clean that barbell one more time, to nail that pull-up one more time.  This is the essence of Crossfit-- To always bring us out of our comfort zones, to drive us to the edge of our fears,  to grind us, to take the very best and worst of us, obliterate the very best and worst of our egos,  so we can break down and from that ground upon which we have fallen, we begin to heal, transform, become better individuals in and outside the box. Especially outside the box.
     
      The first rule of CrossFit is to talk about CrossFit. Maybe we are a cult of sorts. Personally, I don't mind. If that means that we are a community who strive everyday to live with passion, purpose and become better human beings and in the process move our society, our world to change, then yes, go ahead and call us a cult every damn day. After all, in the words of Charles Bukowski,

 "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death may tremble to take us."

 

Life is Short

"Ang Crossfit maka pa batan-on diay no?" (Crossfit does make you look younger.) This was the remark a fellow autism mom made to me last week. It has been two months since we last saw each other. It took her awhile to recognize me. I smiled and said ,"Yes and thank you," as graciously as I could.

Yes, Crossfit does make one look younger and so much more. I started doing Crossfit in our garage of June this year, took my elements classes in Crossfit Pintados Cebu in July.  The positive changes in my body and mind are the consequences of my decision to change many things in the way I live my life-- for starters, the way I eat.  I've decided to select more wisely the kinds of food I've been feeding myself. I've decided to end the denial that sodas and sugared beverages does more harm than good to my body. I've decided to accept the fact that while they give me instant gratification, the long term effects are detrimental. I don't need to watch the various demonstrations on YouTube how one brand of soda is used to clean toilets and remove vehicle rust. 

Nutrition and exercise in whatever form go together. All the time. Nutrition is the foundation. It doesn't matter how often you exercise, how many miles you walk or ride your bike or Zumba your ass off. If you feed your body junk, the effort you put in burning those calories will be junked as well.

I've gone down two dress sizes. But I haven't weighed myself. I don't weigh myself. The dress sizes pretty much speaks for itself. Besides, it's not the pounds shed that I am after. Contrary to what most people who do not know me believe, I'm not doing CrossFit so I can wear a size 3 or 4. And I am not sharing this to rub in the idea of me slimming down. 

I am sharing this to spread the word that we can do better in the way we eat, in the way we go through our daily routines, in the way we move, in the way we love and care for our family. We can do better. As Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, Reebok CrossFit Games 2014 Fittest Woman on Earth has so eloquently said, "We just need to make one better decision every single day."

No, I am not saying you should do Crossfit. Because not everybody can handle it. And that's fine. There are certainly other ways to be healthy.

But we have to make the decision to make one better decision every day. Does that make sense? Decide to decide. And then establish our "why". Come up with a deeply-rooted answer. "So I can wear a bikini and rock the jeans I wore before I got married"  and the like does not count as deeply-rooted. Sorry. It just doesn't. We can do better than that.

Do what needs to be done. Stop procrastinating. Life is short. Three days ago was exactly one year since that massive earthquake in Bohol.  In less than a month, it will be the one year since Typhoon Haiyan/ Yolanda. Life is short. Do not forget what it felt like when the winds ripped everything apart. Do not forget how our lives can be taken from us in a split second. Do not forget. Remember what is precious in your heart. Do what needs to be done.

Trust the process. All else will follow.

27th August

To  find a place inside myself where nothing is impossible.

To draw strength from my core, to do things always with love.

To go one step further. And always one step further.

To know that ego has no place in the grand scheme of life.

To uncurl the fist and let the things that don't matter go.

To grab on to the things that do.

To hold it with a vise grip.

To find strength there and not be afraid to begin again

And again and again.

To trust in wherever the journey will bring me.

To discover, create, recreate my truth.

And in the process become a better human being. 

For my boys. For myself. 

For the love of my life.

For the people who love me.

For the people who I love.

To be grateful and always be grateful.

No matter what. 

Thank you, Crossfit.

Thank you Universe 

for Crossfit.

Five Things

July 1-4, 2014.  Four days straight. I accomplished my elements classes at Crossfit Pintados Cebu. To say that it was one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life is an understatement.

When the heart is full, it spills over. All over. Where do I start? Five things. Five things I learned.

This is the beauty of Crossfit. Or at least what Crossfit brings to my life.  It enables me to ponder, mull over, then apply. Reflect then live out. The best way I know how. And yes,  it fuels my love for words.

So, five things.

1. Fall softly, quiet yourself.
2. Push yourself from the ground.
3. Keep the bar close to your body.
4. Engage your core.
5. Fear is on the other side of life. 

Fall softly. Quiet yourself. 

Everyone's favorite. Burpees. When you land, land softly. Quiet yourself. Drown out the noise outside and inside your head. If it's burpee day, face it. But one thing's for sure, it won't get any easier if you keep on complaining and yapping. And you can't get through it if you you allow yourself to be drowned out by the noises: It's too difficult. It's too hard. It's so tiring. Why were burpees invented? Who the hell invented burpees?

So if you have to get down on that ground, go ahead. Fall. Your body may thud thunderously, but quiet your mind. Once you get this down to the letter, you can gather strength, the necessary strength to spring back up and hear the one noise that you need to hear, "One!"

Whatever challenges come my way, I need to quiet the negative voices saying, "Oh no, another one?" I need to silence my mind. Reset. Begin to breathe new breaths. With every new breath say, "Yes! Another one. And it's okay. I can do this." The challenge has been set. No use spending unnecessary energy on the why's. Just get down on the ground, gather strength from the quiet and spring back up with the solutions. And hear yourself say, "One!"


Push yourself from the ground.

When doing push-ups, push yourself up from the ground. Start from the ground, not from a plank position. Not up. That's why it's called a push-up not a push-down. 

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." -J.K. Rowling

Life becomes so much more valuable when we lose it. By life, I mean, love, people, things, the muse, beliefs. There is no beauty in having it all. There is no beauty in perfection. There IS, however in struggle, in loss, in the process of overcoming, in kissing the ground, falling face first on the ground, with mud and grime on your face,  and then in the rebuilding.

Yolanda. And other Yolanda's. Rock bottoms. Plenty of them. Many more to come. It doesn't matter. What matters is I know now that all I need to do is to push myself from the ground. Keep pushing myself from the ground. Fall down, get back up. Down, up. Rebuild. Over and over again. And each time, learn something new. Every single time. With each new lesson, become stronger. Become more. Become better than who and what I already am today.


Keep the bar (olympic bar) close to your body.

Yellow elements. Lifts. Keep the bar close to your body. Lift it straight up. No rainbow-ing. Every inch away from the body is several pounds heavier.

There comes a point where one realizes crap doesn't deserve a space in a life anymore. Crap- some material things, issues, people, beliefs that are of no use, that don't make you a better person. You realize the true meaning of the adage, "Be yourself." Stay true to who you are. Stay close to those close to your heart. To whatever beats in synchronicity with the tempo of your heart. All else? Run away from it. Push it away. Because it's just deadweight. You don't need it. Remember what is important. Focus on what matters. Keep the bar close to your body.

"Run my dear from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. Run like hell my dear from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred tender vision of your beautiful heart." -Hafez


Engage your core. 

Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. Kettle bell swings. And all else. Generate power from your hips, from your abs, from your core, not your limbs. The limbs get tired. Easily. Strength from them wears out fast.

"Duty makes us do things well. Love makes us do things beautifully." - Zig Ziglar

There is no such thing as too much beauty in this life. We need more of it, even. Passion. Spirit. Heart. Don't do things half-assed. And by ass of course I mean the beast that's your heart.

Fear is on the other side of life.

The 10 kg kettle bell. The 12 kg kettle bell.  The 8 kg wall ball. The burpee. The olympic bar. The run. The plank. The 20" box. The sled.  My entire body weight. All of this, new to me, scary to me. Will I be able to carry it, swing it,  throw it,  pull it, lift my own weight?


I visited my papa's grave. Engraved on his tombstone is his favorite passage from Psalm 23.

"The Lord is my shepherd. There is nothing I shall want."

When Typhoon Ruping struck in 1990, I remember my mom and aunts repeating this over and over in prayer.  I was 10 years old. Until now, I could remember how the wind howled.

This was the psalm I chose to be read on my wedding. To say there are numerous uncharted waters in a marriage is just icing on the cake.

When Yolanda struck, I remember faintly chanting Psalm 23 quietly as I held Morgan in my shaking arms, Garret right behind me with confusion in his eyes, Andro bravely checking the rest of the house, thrown by the fierce winds but thankfully unharmed, as the ceilings collapsed one by one.  I do not remember how the wind howled. But I remember how the fear in my ears screamed like geese.

The night after Yolanda struck as we were doing our best to settle into fatigued sleep, I remember berating God. "Why?  Unsa may sala namu nimu? Have we failed you so greatly that you have to inflict this upon us?"

I was angry. I was scared. What next? For my boys. For myself. For my family.

Anger and fear.

These two are very powerful emotions. But they are only as powerful as the permission I give to them to be powerful. Yes, I need these two emotions. Because to be human is to feel all of it. Weep for all of it. Not just the happy parts of life. But the will to overcome is what is important. To overcome is what is important.

The only way to conquer anything is through it. Not around it or over it. Through it.

Fear is on the other side of life. And life is what I want. While I am still living.

"to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again."

-Ellen Bass-

So now, a resounding yes to kettle bells, lunges, sleds, box jumps, push ups, pull ups and all else I haven't had the pleasure of encountering yet.

Five things. Five pieces of affirmation:

To quiet strength.

To embracing imperfection and rebuilding.

To courage and grace.

To passion and love.

To life. 

A sixth one to sum it all up beautifully:

Here's to the beauty that is Crossfit.